Raspberry Iced M

When I can’t think of blog material on my own…when the need for inspiration breaks my brain…but still knowing that this blog will end up being good for my soul if I remain consistent, I take to Google, Pinterest, etc. and let one of those choose a writing prompt for me.

That’s kind of where I am now. It’s almost 11:00. I took something to help me sleep, yet here I sit, in front of this screen, trying to crank out something before I crash.

Pinterest told me to make a list of little things that make me happy. Easy enough, except as someone who experiences manic depression, I guess it’s a good thing I remain in good spirits today.

I’m skipping the itemization of the obvious – family, friends (who am I kidding? I don’t have any friends), and instead, you’re getting a long list of eccentricities, really. In list format:

• The ten minutes after I discover my paycheck has been direct deposited, when I can see the fruits (raspberries, if you will) of my labor before all of that hard work disappears by way of auto draft;
• ASMR videos, which I don’t just watch at night, but all day long;
• The rubber, but realistic-looking opossum that was purchased for me as a gag gift. I named him Chester. He is currently draped over my computer monitor, his paws covering my webcam. He hangs out with me while I work. He’s basically become a member of the family;
• Sleeping in a really, really cold room, covered with a billion blankets. I want to see my breath but I want to break a sweat underneath those covers. Best. Sleep. Ever;
• Baths. In big bathtubs. Hot enough to turn my skin red;
• School/office supplies. The idea of getting a new notebook or pack of pens. “What will I write on this new canvas?” It’s an obsession at this point;
• Naps. When my life and/or thoughts get weird…when I’m overthinking or over-analyzing certain aspects of my existence, the solution is almost always a few tears and a nap. Not a little nap either. I have been known to sleep for half days, after sleeping a full 8 or 9 hours the night before;
• My vape. A former smoker, I only sacrificed the smell and taste of menthol cigarettes. The nicotine addiction didn’t go anywhere, and in fact, it has probably gotten worse in the last few years, because I switched to vaping. I don’t care. I need my vape;
• Reassurance. When someone does not typically get “atta boys,” that person is also that much more appreciative of positive reinforcement, validation, all of those things. I don’t want applause for existing, but if I’m struggling, reassurance means so much;
• The realization, especially when I’m lonely, that the Lord hears even a silent prayer;
• Grocery pick up. I can count on probably my hands the number of times I have stepped foot in Wal-Mart since grocery pick up became a thing;
• Listening to my son’s music. I have a 16 year old, who I am sure you’ll read about sooner rather than later, who has learned every musical skill on his own. He can’t read music, but if you send him something to play, he can figure it out. I love listening to him play;
• Sweatshirts. I can’t explain the gratification I get from a new sweatshirt. I own probably two dozen and they are in constant rotation. Last week I bought one that just says “PICKLES” on the front, and I’ve already worn it twice.
• The satisfaction that comes from lighting candles AFTER you’ve cleaned your house from top to bottom. You mean to tell me I worked so hard and now it SMELLS good too?!? Yes, please;
• To that end, a detailed car. Granted, my car is a disaster at the moment. That reminds me, I need to schedule a wash and vacuum. A clean car will really make you feel like your ducks are in a row;
• Marshmallow Peeps. Okay, here’s the deal. I used to hate ’em. Then I found out nobody in my family liked them either. So it’s one of the only candies/sweets that can exist in my life that no one asks me to share. I don’t like to share (another mantra in my life, which I may or may not explain at a later date), so even if it is an acquired taste, or even if the discovery of them in Dollar General is the biggest hype, I enjoy eating them – alone;
• The smell of shoe stores;
• Doing my own nails. Did you know that you can’t walk in and out of a nail salon in my area for less than about $70.00?! My little Temu nails cost about $3.00 for 4 or 5 sets. And when I do them myself, I don’t have to complain that they aren’t short enough. I can’t remember the last time I went to get my nails done. I just like doing them myself;
• When my back pops;
• All things fall.
• To that end, Christmas decorations, especially when there are no budget restrictions and I can actually decorate the way I want;
• Watching the same three television shows over and over because my anxiety won’t let me sit through anything new, for fear of wasting time on a new show I won’t enjoy half as much. Friends. Big Bang. TVD. In constant rotation;

I’ll add to the above list intermittently, so check back occasionally if you found this at all interesting.

Tomorrow you get to meet my new puppy!

Keep raspin’…