Raspberry Iced M

I have control issues.

Prior to very recently, I’d have denied it. But the truth is that I do. I want to know what’s going to happen next. I want all of the options communicated to me. I want to know where, when, how, and most importantly, WHY.

And I realize now what a burden that is to carry. To question others’ motives. To defend every decision I make. To want my hand in the lives of those by whom I feel “affected.”

I heard this song on the way home from therapy Tuesday that WRECKED me.

WHAT?!? You mean to tell me that it’s okay if I walk away from a situation or a person if my ideas don’t align with theirs? I don’t have to sit in criticism, sadness, or self-loathing? I can literally just walk away? I’m allowed to quit?

I am.

And so are you.

If you don’t want to talk to someone, don’t. If someone makes you feel terrible about yourself, walk away, and don’t look back. “No” is a full sentence. Being someone’s doormat does not make that person love you more.

Here’s the thing – people who keep you in your feelings want you there for a reason. If they can keep you in your feelings, they have a hold on you, and they can keep you out of your greater purpose. Those people will stir up offense, magnify fear, and push insecurities (EVEN IF THEY DON’T “MEAN TO”), because insecurity clouds vision, and cloudy vision delays obedience.

Today, I say, “No more.” No more feeling awful because I couldn’t take care of everybody, or please everybody, or be “enough” for everybody. No more apologizing repeatedly for my mistakes. I’m forgiven by the One who matters, and that’s enough. No more missing people who know how to contact me. No more crying over failures, because I must have failed for a reason. No more manipulating situations or changing who I am to suit anybody else. No more matching energies. No more competing. No more grudges. No more waiting on other people to get it right. No more expectations of circumstantial change.

Nobody else’s feelings are my responsibility. Just like my feelings are no one else’s responsibility.

You don’t have to break yourself, be dishonest about who you are or what you want, or bend over, just to prove you’re trying.

Let go. Let God. I promise He will do a better job than you anyway.