Category: Uncategorized
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Having once been told that “all women are the same,” I used to think “being myself” would feel louder. More distinctive. That the things that piqued my interest would be more interesting on paper, or that somehow my traits would make me “more” unique than the next girl. What I am learning now is that…
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I have to be honest about something. I don’t like myself very much. It’s not a character flaw. It’s a pattern that makes sense given some of the things I’ve lived through. I don’t dislike myself because I am secretly awful. I dislike myself because I learned to see myself through the lens of harm,…
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What does my perfect day actually look like? Not the aspirational version. Not the productivity fantasy.Not the “I’ll do this when my life is different” model. This day would make me feel most like myself – steady, present, quietly content. It starts without urgency. I wake up without an alarm blaring me into consciousness. No…
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Not once in my life have I ever been perfect. Nobody has. But I have definitely pretended to be perfect in order to be accepted. With honesty – below is a list of what I believe are my biggest character flaws. I am working through these, gently and slowly. And I am finding that consistency…
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This is not a list born out of disappointment. Instead, this was born out of clarity. At one point in my life, I carried a quiet set of expectations everywhere I went. I had hoped people would show up the way I would, care the way I cared, notice the things I noticed. I hoped…
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I don’t have main character energy in a cinematic sense. I can’t even open a can of biscuits, so I can’t imagine looking cool walking away from an explosion. There’s no slow motion walk. No flawless outfits. No dramatic “score” swelling behind me. And to be clear, I am only an underdog in ways I…
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This week I have really tried to work on letting go of things I cannot control. I have an amazing job and a work ethic that trumps most others’, a beautiful home, nice car, a different Stanley for every day of the week. Combine those things with a never precedented desire for privacy, and on…
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Fear has always had a strong voice in my life. It speaks quickly. Convincingly. And with urgency dressed up as wisdom. And for a long time, I let it lead. I didn’t trust it, but it was loud. What I can see now, looking back, is that my values were never absent. They were just…
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Since September, I have attended weekly therapy (minus two separate weeks – one because of illness and one because I legit turned my alarm off in my sleep). On one hand, someone to whom I no longer speak told me I needed “serious help.” On the other hand, I am an advocate of therapy. And…
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I am learning to let people be disappointed in me without fixing it. It isn’t coming from a place of anger. It’s coming from a place of exhaustion. For a long time, I believed disappointment was something to resolve immediately. I adjusted myself, over-explained, and sometimes even offered more of myself – money, time, affection,…
Raspberry Iced M 