Category: Uncategorized
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I used to think that growth required additions. More peace.More discipline.More blessings.More clarity.More friends.More love.More kindness. And sometimes it does. But lately, God has been undoing some things. Undoing. Not punishment. Not abandonment. But subtraction. Slowly unraveling things in me that were never meant to stay. The need to be chosen. We’ve talked about this…
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I used to stay busy. Not always “productive,” but occupied. Distracted. Entertained. Emotionally entangled. Anything that kept me from being alone with my thoughts. And because so much of my distractions had a purpose – work, travel, etc. – I didn’t have to face that the fact that it was avoidance. I just called it…
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There was a time when I only thought of God working through blessings. Open doors. Answered prayers.Unexpected favor.Fresh starts. As long as I had buttoned myself up enough to call upon Him. As long as what I was asking for “felt” Christian. Those moments are easy to recognize. But life has taught me something deeper.…
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I didn’t realize how much of my identity was tied to other people’s approval…until very recently. It wasn’t obvious. But how I felt about myself used to depend on how I was treated, whether I was chosen, whether I was understood, whether I was wanted. And when those things were present, I felt okay. When…
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Love looks different in every season. And there were seasons in my life when love was louder. Big emotions.Big efforts.Big attempts to fix everything. But right now, love in my life is quieter. It’s less dramatic and more consistent. It looks like showing up. Getting up and doing what needs to be done. Earning a…
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I want to write today about something that has been racking my brain for the last several months. There is a belief that many people hold that is basically generalized as follows: If someone repeats the same mistake often enough, that mistake becomes their character. I can understand why people think that. Patterns matter. Repeated…
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There are parts of my story I can change. The way I live now.The choices I make today.The direction I’m headed. Those things are still in motion. But there are other parts that are fixed. Already written. Already lived. And no amount of wishing, regretting, explaining, or replaying can make them different. My past decisions…
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I want to try to explain something that I have only recently understood. Something I had to learn the hard way. What most people think they know about trauma, about abandonment, about narcissism, about people pleasing? It’s usually not correct. And I know that because I’ve worn every one of those badges – not because…
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I am not a person who has ever been allowed to not know how to handle things. I’m a person who – of her own choosing – grew up too fast, and then acted upon every urge to escape responsibilities I was not emotionally prepared to handle. I am not someone who has ever been…
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Like most people, I wear many hats. I am different things to different people. A wife.A mom.A paralegal.A daughter. For other people, I’m someone worse. The root of their trauma.Someone to discuss at the next coffee klatch.A deceiver.The cause of so much hurt. Those roles matter. They shape my days and carry responsibilities. They require…
