Raspberry Iced M

Did you know it is actually a sin to overthink? As I grow in the Word, I’m finding out that once we give a situation to God, the only way to exercise trust in His answer is to stop worrying. The Bible even tells us not to be anxious or worry. It is a command. “Do not worry about tomorrow – for tomorrow will worry about itself…”

If I am being brutally honest with myself, I have to be reminded, when I’m in my darkest moments, and in my deepest worry, that the opposite of faith is anxiety.

And do you want to know the funniest part? Most of the things I worry about don’t even matter. I used to think that worrying about something prioritized it in my mind. I used to think that worrying was a way of controlling a situation.

Nope.

Worrying gives me something to do. But it doesn’t fix a thing.

And while I know I can rely on God’s grace to carry me through moments of anxiety, I am learning that the whole “Let go and let God” is a real thing. And looking back, I could’ve saved myself a lot of gray hairs, sleepless nights, and tears, had I actually taken that to heart.

Maybe these will serve as reminders to you. Or maybe they’re just reminders for me. Either way, below is a list of things I have resolved to no longer worry over.

1. What people think about me – I used to worry about what people thought. I used to strive for perfection. I used to want the approval of others. I wanted to be liked. And I used to jump to my own defense when accused. I am no longer interested in that. The people who believe I have something to prove are just as flawed, just as broken, and some seem even less self-aware or willing to admit their own imperfections. So I don’t know why I ever bothered to mask who I really am, or strive to be better than “just me.” Those who have been critical of me are not the best example of…well…anything. And while I still catch myself occasionally wanting to clap back, I realize that I have already apologized to them, and I’m already forgiven by Him. I’m committed to accepting all of the blessings that other people don’t think I deserve.
2. What I wear – I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I work from home. And I have a really REALLY well-paying job, and I am really good at it. I consider it an(other) answered prayer. But since my work does not require much travel or in-office presentation, I am welcome to roll out of bed, throw on my comfiest sweats, and plug away. My collection of sweatshirts has grown. I love my bedroom slippers. And I embrace the messy bun.
3. Gossip – having been both the victim and the villain of it, I can say for certain that it benefits no one. Being nosy, saying hurtful things at someone else’s expense (even if they are “true”), or just participating in idle chatter? It reeks of immaturity, unfaithfulness, and lack of success in the lives of those who do it. I am no longer interested.
4. Being a “yes” girl. I used to go along with things, agree to things, agree to pay for things, just to make other people happy. Not now. If I don’t want to do it, I’m not going to. I’m quickly approaching 40. I don’t care who gets upset about my hard nos. And no, it doesn’t make me difficult or hard to get along with. You’re more than welcome to do your thing. I just don’t want to be a part of it, and I’m not going to worry myself sick anymore over what other people want me to do.
5. Keeping up with the newest music trends. I am a well-rounded listener. I grew up listening to Journey and Chicago and Fleetwood Mac. I fell in love with boy bands in the 90s. I love country, hip hop, some rock. My Spotify account would confuse the population at large. If I hear a song and I like it, I add it. If not, I move on. And I’m proud to say I have passed that onto my son, who plays guitar and loves many of the same artists that I do, along with some I do not know. We are not individuals if we all listen to the same things.
6. Comparison. I know all too well how exhausting it can be to be around someone who has to be right about everything, who has never made a mistake, who puts one opinion over another. It’s exhausting. Life is hard. I hope we all make it. And truthfully, if we all counted our own blessings instead of worrying about what other people have that we want that we don’t have (I’ve confused myself just typing that), we would probably be better off anyway.
7. Long lines. I will leave and order online so fast…
8. Losing people. I have lost people that meant the world to me. And they valued me so little that they walked out of my life. And you know what? I survived. I made it. And I’m actually better off. I have more free time, more “me” time, more money, a lot less stress and sense of obligation, and even though I grieve those who have left – even though I understand why they left – and even though losing people has been my fault at times – I’m okay, and I will no longer be manipulated or challenged to accommodate people who not once reciprocated. Nothing I could’ve done would’ve made a bit of difference. I was blessed with a graceful, forgiving spirit. Others were not. And that’s okay, too.
9. Arguing. I am not 100% “there” yet but I care a lot less about it these days. After way too many debates about truth v. opinion, fact v. fiction, feelings v. logic, I just don’t have the energy to fight anymore. Also, I don’t care. If you think the sky is green, if you think 2+2=5, it does. On a more personal note, if you think I’m a bad person, crazy, ugly, you’re right. Life became a lot easier when I figured out how to accept my flaws along with my good qualities. And when others don’t recognize the good, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It means those people are determined to misunderstand me. But I’m not going to argue about it. Think what you want. Tell your friends. Away – far away – from me.
10. Keeping up with the Joneses. I make more money than most people in my profession. Amazing job, phenomenal health insurance, a bonus every year. I am incredibly blessed. But I’ll be darned if I’m going to let anyone, ever again, even societal standards, dictate what I need and don’t need, or what I should or should not have. Life is about so much more than “stuff.” I am learning to love my uncluttered, simple, clean, quiet life.

Maybe pain created all of this. Maybe my own mistakes created this. I like to think that the Lord gave me a sense of self-awareness recently, and boy, oh, boy – it has put my whole life into perspective. And I’m grateful.

I’ll touch base with you guys next week. I’m going thrift shopping tomorrow. Maybe I’ll show you guys my treasures.