Raspberry Iced M

Just because you made mistakes in the past – even the recent past – does not mean you are stuck there forever.

Life is not a straight line. Neither is growth.

We all carry chapters in the novel of our lives of which we feel shame – when our actions didn’t align with our values.

And now that you see those mistakes with clearer eyes, you wonder if changing makes you a hypocrite.

It doesn’t.

You are allowed, at any point in your journey, to decide that you want to change. Your core values, your convictions, your circle of friends, your priorities. You can change jobs, churches, cars, houses. You can all of the sudden decide that conserving water really matters to you and skip showers.

An honest human being looks back on who he once was, sees his flaws, missteps, and poor behavior – whether he messed up once or a thousand times – whether it’s a one-off screw-up or a pattern of stumbles over the same darn bad habit over and over and over – and decide that that part or those parts of you do not define you anymore.

Boom. Switch gears. Rearrange. Re-center.

And what people in your life – or people that used to be in your life – tend to forget – is that that kind of growth – the kind that finally chooses to break those habits – takes a lot of courage…especially if you’ve lost a lot in the interim.

But the courage to face your past without running away, without hiding, without shrinking the truth – the bravery to put in the time – to isolate, to focus, to push forward after everything you’ve lost – that’s not a declaration contradictory to your past. That’s a testament to your strength.

And it can be very difficult to block out the noise of judgment and buckle down to get it done. In fact, that noise can be a major setback, because people often mistake growth – which is never linear – for inconsistency. They may look at you/your patterns and see a person who once did harm or held harmful views. And if you are actively fighting against those things NOW, those people might label you a hypocrite.

But true hypocrisy exists when a person pretends to change without actually putting in that work.

I’ll admit to being a hypocrite. As someone who learned incorrectly that I needed to “earn” love, not only did I look for it in all the wrong places and people, but I also accepted bread crumbs of affection from people around whom I could never be myself. People who expect more grace from me than they ever extended to me. People who spend very little time worried about my feelings and a great deal of time judging the worst parts of me.

And that is their prerogative.

(Changing who you are cannot be for or about anybody else. If so, it won’t stick.)

Your past, your transgressions – big or small – repeated or singular – are part of your story, but not your whole story. Those chapters are dark ones. But they’re not the entire book.

Holding yourself captive, through guilt and shame, for your past errors – that robs you of your present power and your future potential.

You deserve the freedom to evolve – beyond your mistakes – without constantly being judged by what you once were – even if what you once were was only yesterday.

You want a hint? The voice that condemns you for your past is often the same voice that fears change. It’s the voice that challenges fixed perception.

But advocating against what you’ve done wrong? That displays a deep sense of self-awareness that many never reach. You’ve looked inside. You’ve recognized the harm. And you’ve chosen a different path.

That is not hypocrisy – it’s growth made visible. And it’s part of your testimony – a beacon of hope to others who struggle with their own pasts. You become living proof that change is possible.

So do not let other people use your history (yes, even recent history) as a weapon against your present truth. While their skepticism comes from a place of doubt, it may also come from an unwillingness to accept that people can change. It can also highlight areas of their lives that need to evolve.

And growth? Phew. It’s messy. You’ll trip over mistakes along the way. You’ll fall back into old patterns. You’ll have a bad day and revert back to former ways of thinking.

That doesn’t erase your progress. Each step you take forward, no matter how small, contributes to the person you are becoming. And while it is uncomfortable for those who are really trying, it is evidence that you are alive, learning, and striving to be better.

Your past is not a prison – EVEN IF OTHERS WANT TO KEEP YOU THERE. The past is simply a teacher. Every mistake, every wrong turn, and every bad habit – they’re opportunities to gain wisdom and compassion. And when you own your past without shame, you disarm those who try to use it against you.

It takes a great deal of humility to admit wrongdoing, and even greater humility to fight against it afterward. And that’s not weakness. That’s power. It’s power to redefine yourself and your values. It’s power to influence others by showing that change is not only possible, but sometimes necessary.

Your journey is unique. Your growth will look different from everyone else’s. As I have already said, comparison is the thief of joy, so don’t compare your path to the paths of others. And don’t let others dictate how your growth should look. Those whose opinions really matter will recognize your growth and support you. Those who judge you by your past do not understand the complexity of being human (except those people always seem to justify their own mistakes – funny how that works). Others’ inability to accept your change says more about their emotional/mental limitations than about your character. Remember that. It’s important.

Growth also means forgiving yourself. And this is the most tedious part of my personal journey. It has required that I accept my imperfections without losing sight of what I’m worth. And if I’m being honest, my mistakes and the patterns therein don’t exude “worthiness.” Slowly turning into someone I didn’t like anymore made me feel pretty lousy, and with nowhere to turn, I just accepted the most damaged parts of myself as truth. And I became trapped in guilt and shame.

The sincerity of your efforts and the consistency of your actions over time are the only things that matter. You are not defined by the worst things you’ve done. You’re defined by the best things you choose to do now. And in a world so quick to assign labels – and so slow to forgive – your growth goes against the grain. It rebels against the idea that people are fixed and unchangeable.

So straighten your shoulders. Deep breaths. And let your growth be a light for others – a light that influences their own growth. Choosing to make changes – making that commitment to yourself once and for all – is one of the most profound declarations of freedom anyone can make. Your past may have shaped you – but that’s not the end of the story.

Focus on doing the next right thing, no matter how small. And one day you will look back and see a path of transformation – not just a trail of mistakes. You’ll see a journey marked not by where you fell, but by how you rose. Growth is not just about who you were – or even who you are now – it’s about who you become. In growth, you find your truest, most powerful self.