Raspberry Iced M

There was a time when I narrated myself constantly. Clarified. Softened. Qualified. Over-explained. As if being understood required footnotes.

So this post isn’t about shutting down or being closed off. It is just about recognizing that some things are just…true.

Some things do not require approval to exist.

1. I need time to think. I process internally first. That is not avoidance. It’s just how I arrive honestly. And I don’t have to do it on anyone’s time table.
2. I don’t always respond immediately. Urgency is not always appropriate. And during times when I feel like I am just living my life between messages, I will, without permission, walk away from an email exchange or a text conversation.
3. I prefer fewer, deeper connections. It has never been important to me to have “lots” of friends. And it’s never been about exclusivity. But in a world where I have learned that I am one of two things – too much or not enough (which, how is that even possible?), it’s just capacity management.
4. I get quiet before I provide clarity. My silence, while often times interpreted incorrectly, is usually a step closer to understanding, not the opposite.
5. I am sensitive to tone. Tone is information, too. I don’t overread it. I just read it.
6. I don’t enjoy constant intensity. Even though I would have at one point in my life equated chaos to chemistry, peace is no longer boring to me. It’s actually regulating. I am never up for being around judgmental, critical, hateful people.
7. I ask questions. Curiosity is not interrogation. It’s interest.
8. I do not always want advice. Sometimes I am not stuck. I am just being human, out loud. Why is that so hard for people to understand? Not all things require immediate solutions.
9. I’ve changed. Growth doesn’t always need a press release. I am allowed to evolve quietly and without permission. And just because someone doesn’t think it’s genuine doesn’t make it fact.
10. I’m learning to be comfortable being misunderstood. Understanding that costs me peace is too expensive. I am committed to doing things at my own pace. I am allowed to opt out of constant explanations.

I am not withholding. I am just done justifying. The people who need these explanations already know them. The rest? They can fill in the blanks. Or not. They can talk about me behind my back. Or not. They can judge me from afar. Or they can give me grace for being a human being. Either way, I’m okay.