Raspberry Iced M

I will block you so fast now.

As someone who internalized every broken relationship, like I was the problem. As someone who is often blamed for actually being the problem. As someone who overthinks every tone, every “off” vibe, every unanswered text. And as someone who is on a journey to let go of things, people, and situations that/who do not and will never help make me the best version of myself.

I suppose that is why my “circle” is awfully small now.

Stepping back from those things, people, and situations is so hard. It doesn’t always come after a big blow up. Sometimes ducking out happens after a series of small signals we explain away.

I never pinned myself as a quitter. In fact, I too often held onto things that were not good for me, because walking away somehow seemed worse than hanging onto something unhealthy, something that drained me emotionally, or something that pushed me in a direction I did not want to go.

But I realized, not too long ago, actually, that it’s not about quitting. It’s not even about withdrawing dramatically. This is about noticing when something – someone – a role – a conversation – no longer feels sustainable.

I am learning to recognize those moments.

1. I feel relief at the idea of distance. If imagining space feels calming instead of painful, that’s information I have started listening to, and it’s information I wish I had listened to earlier in my life. I could’ve saved myself a lot of heartache.
2. I am the one putting in all the work. Initiation. Following up. Explanations. Repairs. Over-extended apologies just to keep the peace. When balance continues to tip one way, it’s a sign.
3. My nervous system never fully relaxed. I’ve I’m braced, even during neutral moments, it’s not something to push through. No one should have to be on constant alert.
4. I kept rehearsing conversations. Too many times, I scripted how to be understood instead of feeling understood, and that meant something was off.
5. I found myself shrinking parts of myself to maintain harmony. I stopped expressing my needs. I edited reactions. I avoided honesty. And if you get nothing more from this post, please repeat this as many times as is needed: “Peace that costs you your voice is NOT peace at all.”
6. I felt drained after most interactions. Occasional fatigue is normal, especially for introverts like me. But consistent depletion is a signal, and salvaging any relationship, NO MATTER WHO IT IS, is not worth the exhaustion.
7. I stayed hopeful, but nothing changed. Effort without movement? That’s burnout. Hope needs evidence to stay healthy. I had to learn to recognize when I was the only one making the effort. Unfortunately, I often learned too late.
8. I felt responsible for how things were going. We are not meant to carry relationships, roles, or dynamics alone.
9. I stopped trusting my own experience. I found myself second-guessing how I felt. Something was undermining my self-trust, and it caused a lot of problems for me, internally.
10. Stepping back felt like self-respect, not punishment. This is the clearest sign of all. When distance feels like care, it is time to go.

May this post serve as a reminder to myself that stepping back doesn’t equal failure.

It doesn’t mean I didn’t try hard enough.

And it doesn’t mean I didn’t care.

But sometimes, stepping back is necessary to stay whole.

I hope you have an amazing week.