Raspberry Iced M

I am letting go of the urge to be indispensable.

For a long time, i believed being needed was the safest way to belong.

If I was useful enough – available enough – surely my spot would be secure.

What I am learning now is that being indispensable actually means being exhausted.

So this isn’t resignation – it’s relief.

1. I confused worth with usefulness. I measured my value by how much I could do, fix, hold, or anticipate. I felt responsible. But it wasn’t sustainable.
2. I thought being needed would protect me. If I made myself necessary, I wouldn’t be replaced – or abandoned. But reliance isn’t the same as connection.
3. I over-functioned to stay relevant. I stepped in early. I stayed late. I filled gaps no one even asked me to fill. I paid for the dinner. Agreed to others’ criticism of me. All because it felt safer than stepping back.
4. I rarely asked myself what I needed. I focused outward. It was easier than admitting my own limits.
5. I equated vitality with loyalty. I made my own needs small. But loyalty that depends on self-erasure isn’t loyalty. It’s survival.
6. I’m learning to trust natural connection. Relationships that stand the test of time don’t hinge on constant usefulness. They breathe. Fluctuate. They make room for rest.
7. I am practicing being present, not essential. I can care without carrying everything. And I can contribute without overextending. And I do not have to abandon my own needs to tolerate the way others use me.
8. I am letting people manage their own roles. I do not have to be the solution to remain valued. I am allowed to step back and let others step up.
9. I am noticing how much lighter things feel. Without the pressure to prove my necessity, there is so much space left for ease and honesty. And for choice.
10. I am choosing to be wanted, not required. I want relationships where I am valued for who I am, not for what I provide.

I don’t need to be indispensable to matter. And I don’t need to be constantly useful to be loved.

And letting go of that urge has been incredibly difficult. I look back on the number of relationships I should’ve walked away from a lot sooner than I did. I definitely haven’t lost my place in any relationship worth having.

I’m standing in it.