Raspberry Iced M

I will not fight for space in others’ lives.

This isn’t an ultimatum.

It’s also not up for debate.

It’s just an understanding I’ve come to, gently but firmly.

I will not audition for access. I will not negotiate for attention. And I will not compete with indifference.

Not anymore. And not because I’m angry. I’m just done abandoning myself.

1. I used to confuse effort with worth. I thought that if I showed up consistently, tried harder, explained better – I could secure a place in people’s lives, and perhaps even earn a spot on their list of priorities. What didn’t click was that belonging isn’t earned through exhaustion.
2. I’ve learned that mutual interest does not feel like pursuit. My therapist once told me that friendships are usually based on mutual benefit. And when care is reciprocal, it moves naturally. There’s a certain rhythm that comes with the give and take of meaningful relationships. There’s a responsiveness – an ease – that comes with respectful, effective relationships, whether that relationship is with a spouse, a child, a friend, or co-worker, a pastor, or even an animal. A very unwise, cruel person once said to me, “In any relationship, someone always sacrifices more.” That is simply not true. And if I am straining to be seen, the answer is already there.
3. I will not chase availability. If space has to be forced open, it is not a space meant to hold me. I am not longer rearranging myself to fit into rooms that were not made for me.
4. I am done with conditional closeness. Affection that requires constant proving is not closeness at all. It’s performance. I want connection that stays – even on days when I feel like I can’t try anymore.
5. I will step back where I am not met. Not loudly or dramatically. But with my dignity intact.
6. I trust absence to tell me what words won’t. I no longer interrogate distance or explain it away. I let it speak. And in instances like that, yes, silence is loud. But it’s okay.
7. I will no longer mistake tolerance for invitation. Being “allowed” around is not the same as being wanted. For far too long, I have operated under a “prove myself” mentality. And sometimes that meant excusing and/or tolerating behavior that I wouldn’t accept otherwise. I deserve to be “it.”
8. I am making room for ease. Space that welcomes me does not require persuasion. And it doesn’t make me wonder where I stand.
9. I am choosing self-respect over proximity. I would rather have fewer relationships that are mutual than many that require me to shrink or strain. Love does not have to be earned.
10. I am not withdrawing. I am aligning. None of this is because I’ve given up. I’m just returning to myself.

The people who want you in their lives won’t require convincing. And with all of my flaws, shortcomings, and failures, I exist on this planet because my life is worth something. YOU exist because yours is, too.

So don’t chase. Don’t allow others to make space feel scarce. Meet effort with effort, care with care, and presence with presence. But do not fight for space that isn’t freely given. When a relationship becomes too one-sided, when it’s no longer easy, when you start to hate who you’ve become – all of those are signs to walk away without apology.

You’re worth it.