Raspberry Iced M

Having once been told that “all women are the same,” I used to think “being myself” would feel louder. More distinctive. That the things that piqued my interest would be more interesting on paper, or that somehow my traits would make me “more” unique than the next girl.

What I am learning now is that all women are definitely not the same. The truest parts of me are small, steady, and – not to be dramatic – kind of boring.

And somehow that feels right.

1. I like calm mornings. Not productive ones. Not aesthetic ones. Just mornings that don’t require urgency. I love being able to roll out of bed – in my big t-shirt – and warm up with the day.
2. I prefer knowing what to expect. While surprises sound fun in theory, I prefer the practices of context, clarity, and at least a vague idea of the plan. Other people have mistaken it for micromanagement, but at my age, and at my current “leanage” toward anxious thoughts, I just like knowing what’s next.
3. I enjoy repetition. The same coffee mugs (even if in rotation). The same routines. The same handful of reliable comforts – my big bathtub, my hairstyle, what I eat for dinner and in what order. Novelty is fine. But to me, familiarity is better.
4. I think before I speak. And sometimes I think a lot before I speak. It’s not because I am unsure. It’s because I care about tone and eloquence. When my emotions are especially on edge, it is very likely that you’ll find me in a corner stewing about what I need to say, as opposed to actually saying it.
5. I need time to warm up. To people. To rooms. To days. I rarely arrive fully formed. I need to settle in.
6. I notice things quietly. Mood shifts. Energy changes. What isn’t said. I don’t always act on it. But I do keep mental notes.
7. I am content with fewer, deeper connections. Big groups drain me, and that used to feel like limitation. But small, meaningful conversations restore me, and now, that is the preference.
8. I do better without constant stimulation. Background noise wears me down. Silence gives me space to breathe.
9. I process things internally. I don’t always have immediate reactions. Or words. Understanding comes after reflection – not during it.
10. I feel most like myself when nothing remarkable is happening. When I am not explaining, performing, or fixing anything. When I’m just existing – unobserved, uninterrogated, unhurried.

None of this is impressive. It will never make a highlight reel, and oddly, outside of some pretty cool things going on financially, I probably don’t belong in a highlight reel.

But these are the conditions under which I am most regulated, thoughtful, and real.

Maybe “being yourself” isn’t necessarily all about being more interesting.

Maybe it’s just about being less fractured. Less rushed. Less explained. Less loud.

And if that is boring, I think I am finally okay with that.