Raspberry Iced M

My Daddy used to tell me, “Life’s not fair and then you die.”

It took 25 years for that to click. I am approaching 40 and still not incredibly wise.

The Lord has really been dealing with my attitude lately. I was awake half of the night overthinking something I have dealt with for most of my adult life.

It’s not an illness. It’s not about money. I didn’t commit a crime. But it is a situation I created by making bad decisions as a young woman. It is the consequence of a poor choice. It’s something I have fought with for the last 14 years, and I am so close to the finish line that I can almost smell sweet release.

See, the world doesn’t forgive us as readily as Jesus does. Society operates on vindication. Your slate isn’t always wiped clean after you apologize to someone, and instead, that person stands by, metaphorical popcorn in hand, just waiting for you to fail, fall, cry, even break. Daddy is right – life is definitely not fair. The world is not fair. And people are generally vicious.

And sometimes, in the name of fairness or justice, our sense of self-righteousness pushes us to argue our case. When we feel stressed or wronged or put out or even guilty, it is so easy to seek validation on social media or through friends. Somewhere on the internet, there is a quote or a caption to match every argument ever made on planet Earth.

“…protect my peace…”

I have heard it an awful lot lately. I’ve also been guilty of saying it.

Everybody says they want peace. But most people don’t even know its true definition.

It’s not just blocking people and posting quotes that suit your agenda.

Sometimes it is sitting on your bathroom floor, weeping and praying that the Lord helps you catch your tone when you’re irritated. It’s choosing not to turn every disagreement into a debate. It’s actually listening instead of waiting for your turn to respond. It’s respecting someone else’s boundaries – not just demanding that yours be honored. It is forgiving others when you don’t “feel” like it. It is letting go of “the principle.”

Peace requires self-control, the ability to remain silent, and the bravery to admit when you are the one escalating a hostile situation. It requires you to pause when you’d rather react.

What I have come to realize is that there have been times I have said I wanted peace – but really – I wanted control. I wanted to be right. I wanted the last word.

Peace is not something you receive through validation. Peace is something you study. It is something you practice. It is something you can provide to other people in the middle of chaos.

Consider that when we pray for peace, the Lord may not automatically give it. But He may present you with opportunities to create it for yourself. Much like grace, I believe it is possible that He makes peace available to all of us. We just have to be willing to relinquish our human desire for control. And that may be the hardest obstacle to face.