Raspberry Iced M

In connection with a previous post about being too emotional, please allow this post to serve as clarity.

Being “emotionally healthy” does not mean “feeling less.”

I’m not someone who can detach, or calm down, or just “be” unbothered.

I have to work alongside how I feel, and I teeter the line – all too often – between fighting harder and losing the fight completely.

Being regulated does not mean that I hurt less.

Jesus wasn’t numb on the cross. He was in pain – physical, emotional, spiritual. He was rejected, and still prayed, “Father, forgive them, they don’t know what they’re doing.” He didn’t deny the suffering. But He didn’t allow his pain to turn into retaliation.

In Acts 16, Paul and Silas were beaten and thrown into prison. Not inconvenienced. Not misunderstood. Actually beaten. And by midnight, they’re singing. They shifted their focus from hurt to praise.

Hannah was deeply wounded – bullied because she couldn’t conceive. But instead of suppressing the pain, or even fighting back, she brought her struggle somewhere safe. “In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly.” (1 Samuel 1:10)

Stephen was stoned (Acts 7) and prayed for those who were hurting him while they were hurting him.

Elijah was tired. “I’ve had enough, Lord…Take my life,” (1 Kings 19:4) he prayed. Overwhelmed, fearful, and depleted, he finds sanctuary in the wilderness, where God meets him…and restores him.

Emotional regulation is about redirecting your feelings, not letting your hurt turn into destruction. Being regulated, for me, doesn’t mean that the hurt doesn’t exist, or that I bury it. It doesn’t mean I don’t get angry. It doesn’t mean I pretend that I don’t struggle.

It is not the absence of emotion. It’s the presence of restraint.

So my goal now is not to feel less. It’s to respond better.
To feel the hurt without letting it become harm.
To acknowledge the emotion without letting it take control.

You can be hurting and still be anchored.
You can feel deeply and still choose wisely.

And maybe that’s where real strength lies. It is not the absence of pain that makes us strong. It’s the ability to remain grounded in the middle of pain.