Raspberry Iced M

I turn 39 tomorrow.

Birthdays aren’t really the same anymore. It’s less about getting older and more about taking inventory.

Not just of what I’ve “accomplished,” but what I’ve been given.

This year wasn’t easy. There are prayers I’ve prayed that still have not been answered. Relationships that still ache. Questions that remain unanswered.

And yet…

…when I stop looking only at what I’ve lost – or only what I don’t have – I realize I’ve been surrounded by blessings all along.

Some obvious. Some quiet. Some I almost missed.

38 Blessings in Honor of the last 38 Years

1. A husband who still chooses me every day – the one person who has seen every part of me, and stayed anyway.
2. My son, who reminds me that motherhood is still one of my greatest gifts.
3. A job that allows me to work from home.
4. A paycheck that pays our bills.
5. A home that has become my safe place.
6. Two dogs who genuinely think I am the most interesting human alive.
7. Coffee, because yes, it deserves its own number.
8. A therapist who asks hard questions instead of offering easy answers.
9. A church where I can continue to grow.
10. A Bible that says something new every time I open it.
11. The courage to tell the truth.
12. The humility to admit when I am wrong.
13. The discipline to keep showing up.
14. Peaceful mornings.
15. Quiet evenings.
16. The ability to laugh at myself.
17. My journals, which have become a reflection of conversations I have with God and with myself.
18. Words, because writing has helped me survive seasons I cannot explain out loud.
19. The freedom to begin again.
20. The realization that healing isn’t linear.
21. Learning that my worth isn’t up for a vote.
22. A slower, steadier nervous system than the one I had even as recently as last year.
23. The ability to pause before reacting.
24. Boundaries that no longer feel selfish.
25. The phrase, “I don’t receive that,” which is used sparingly, but is necessary when accusations and criticisms from others are misplaced by people who actively choose not to be a part of my life.
26. Sleep onset by a clear conscience.
27. The fact that I am no longer running from myself.
28. The ordinary rhythm of work, dinner, laundry, prayer, and bed – what I used to call boring but now know as peace.
29. Books that challenge me.
30. Music that met me where words couldn’t.
31. My health – even though I often take it for granted.
32. The few people who stayed.
33. The people who left, thereby forcing me to learn who I am without their approval.
34. Consequences – not because they are enjoyable, but because they are some of my greatest teachers.
35. God’s patience with me, which amazes me to this day.
36. Hope, even on days when it seemed out of reach.
37. The woman I am becoming – not finished, not perfect – but unmistakably different than she was even at 37 years old.
38. Another year – not everyone gets one. And I don’t want to waste time.

If you’d asked me at 37 to list my blessings, I’d have probably focused on the big things. Today, I think the smaller, more subtle things have become my favorite.

And empty laundry basket.
A quiet house.
A prayer answered with peace instead of explanation.
A giggle.
A page filled in my journal.
An ordinary Tuesday.

Maybe the gift of getting older isn’t a bigger life. It’s better eyes. Eyes that are slowly learning to recognize that He has been generous all along – even in seasons when I couldn’t immediately see it.

38 wasn’t the year I got everything I wanted. It was the year I began wanting different things. Restoration instead of reconciliation. Steadiness over certainty. Peace over intensity. And a closeness with the Lord, which matters more than the acceptance I once desired from others.

These are not just a different list of blessings. They’re proof of a changing heart, and not by my doing, but His.