Raspberry Iced M

I don’t love the word “trigger.”

Emotional triggers are real. But I think the word is overused (or used entirely incorrectly), misunderstood, and weaponized.

Somewhere, at some point, society started treating triggers like permission. Permission to lash out. To avoid accountability. To demand that everyone else emotionally accommodate us at all times.

And I don’t agree with that.

There are absolutely things that emotionally affect me more deeply than they affect other people. And to be fair, almost everything affects me more deeply than others.

I’m an overthinker by nature. My impulses are rooted in emotion.

But the important thing to note is that my triggers may explain my emotional reaction, but they do not excuse my behavior. My triggers are ultimately my responsibility.

So on this journey to discover my identity, I have started tracking patterns in my own behaviors and reactions – not just what hurts me – but why – and then marking specific guidelines within each trigger, so that there is a plan to handle them – in a much healthier way – when they arise.

1. Feeling rejected or unchosen. This one probably hurts the deepest. Feeling left out, overlooked, emotionally replaced. In taps directly into old insecurities that quickly make me spiral, and I automatically and impulsively jump to questions like, “What is wrong with me?” and “What did I do to deserve this?” So now, I remind myself that someone else’s choice is not a measurement of my worth. And I no longer make impulsive decisions just to soothe the feeling of rejection.
2. Feeling misunderstood. I hate being misrepresented, especially when people reduce me to my mistakes, or one label, or one version of my story. And I used to obsess over correcting perceptions. But now I ask myself whether or not clarification will actually create peace. And the answer is usually, “No.” I can’t control how I’m perceived. And that still hurts, but there is a rational side of my brain – somewhere up there – that reminds me that not every misunderstanding requires a defense.
3. Loss of control. I like predictability. Clarity. Structure. When things feel uncertain, my anxiety rises quickly. But controlling other people or outcomes is an impossible task. So now I focus on regulating myself – through routine, through prayer, and through presence.
4. Feeling unappreciated after over-extending. There are two issues here, and the combination used to create resentment in me. If I gave a lot and didn’t feel acknowledged, I became emotional dynamite. So this is where I now question my motives. I pay closer attention to whether I’m giving freely or giving with unspoken expectations attached…because that distinction matters.
5. Criticism and judgment. Especially criticism that confirms my worst fears about myself. Those moments can still sting deeply. Presently, I try to separate conviction from shame. Sometimes criticism is useful, but sometimes it’s projection. Not every opinion deserves equal emotional authority.
6. Emotional distance. Silence, withdrawal, coldness. They poke insecurity in me. But I meant what I said – I don’t chase anymore – and that includes reassurance. Distance is still crushing, but now I sit in the discomfort, in an “exposure therapy” kind of way.
7. Feeling helpless. When I can’t fix something, solve something, or improve something immediately, I become overwhelmed. These days, I try to intentionally shift my focus to something that I can control. Sometimes the stain on the carpet. Sometimes how much water I drink. Sometimes how many chapters I read. Something that helps me appreciate autonomy.

Triggers are information. They’re not commands. They reveal wounds, fears, patterns…areas that still need healing. But they do not get to dictate how I behave.

I do not expect other people to babysit my emotions anymore. People are going to disagree, misunderstand, leave, criticize, and disappoint me. That’s life. And while kindness matters, emotional maturity requires learning how to regulate ourselves instead of demanding that the world constantly rearrange itself around our sensitivities.

I still get triggered. I still feel all of it. But instead of using those moments as excuses, I try to use them as invitations…to pause…to reflect…to respond differently than I once would’ve. Because growth doesn’t mean being emotionless. It’s just becoming responsible with your emotions.