Raspberry Iced M

I’m 11 months into a personal growth journey.

I started first with the goal to understand myself. My defense/coping mechanisms. My survival tactics. My interpretations of various events throughout my life. Basically…why am I the way that I am?

Overlapping that was a goal to change the parts of myself that were intolerable. Destructive patterns, unhealthy routines, bad habits.

So I’ve spent a lot of the last year thinking about growth. And there are still parts of myself that need refining.

I heard someone say today that we cannot call ourselves self-aware if we only consider our bad qualities and not the good. And that gave me pause, because I felt conviction around that statement.

For as much time as I’ve spent in the last year focusing on what pieces of myself need to be altered, I have taken very little time to appreciate the positive traits that I possess. So I take time to do that now, and I intend to revisit this post in the future, should I ever forget or lose sight of how complex I truly am…how complex any human being is.

1. I hope I never lose my sense of curiosity. I hope I never stop asking questions. About people. About God. About why the world works the way that it does. Curiosity has a way of keeping us humble. The moment I think I have it all figured out is probably the same moment I’ve stopped listening.
2. I hope I never stop believing that people can change. I have needed grace too many times to believe otherwise. While it is true that some people won’t change, that does not mean change is impossible. I don’t want to become so cynical that I stop leaving space for redemption.
3. I hope I never lose my sense of wonder. I want sunsets to continue to stop me. I hope thunder continues to make me sleepy. I hope I always make note of the first cool breeze every fall. I hope coffee always tastes like a small gift. Life is too beautiful to become numb to it.
4. I hope the ability to laugh at myself never disappears. I’m sure I’ll always say awkward things. I’ll forget why I walked into the kitchen. I’ll take too long to tell a joke. I’ll wave back at someone who wasn’t waving at me in the first place. I’ll say. “Excuse me,” to a mannequin (that has actually happened) or get into the wrong vehicle (also based on true events). But life is a little lighter when we don’t take ourselves too seriously, and I love to laugh.
5. I hope I never stop admitting when I’m wrong. I won’t lie – it bruises my pride. But it protects my character. And after so many prideful moments, I’d rather have an uncomfortable conversation than a comfortable lie at this point.
6. I hope I never lose compassion. Even when people make decisions I don’t understand. Even when someone hurts me. Even when it’s easier to judge. Compassion does not excuse behavior. But it does acknowledge the human complexity I mentioned earlier, and it remembers that every person is dealing with circumstances I cannot fully see.
7. I hope I never stop learning. I hope I’m still reading books, asking questions, and changing my mind when truth requires it. I want to always be willing to say, “I hadn’t thought about it that way.”
8. I hope I never stop loving my family in ordinary ways. Dinner. Good morning texts. Showing up. Listening. Laughing together during a movie. The older I get, the more convinced I am that – much like change – love is found more in ordinary moments than in grand gestures.
9. I hope I never stop choosing peace over proving a point. There was a time when I needed the last word, but now I’d rather have a good night’s sleep. Not every misunderstanding needs to be corrected or even addressed. Not every opinion deserves my attention. While I don’t subscribe to society’s definition of “protecting my peace,” I do believe that peace is too precious to spend it carelessly.
10. I hope I never stop depending on God. I do not claim to be wise, but I do know that not much good has come from my desire to have control over my life or anyone else’s. Every time I have convinced myself that I can do life on my own, I’ve discovered how much I need Him. Not just during the hard seasons. Not just on days when I’m sad or lonely or overwhelmed. I need Him every day.

I hope I keep growing. I hope I become wiser. Kinder. More patient. More disciplined. More like Jesus.

But I also hope I never outgrow the best parts of who God created me to be.

The ability to laugh. The willingness to learn. The courage to apologize. The desire to love well. The hope that people can change.

If those things are still true about me after this second wind of my life is complete, I think I’ll have lived a pretty good life.

Growing isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming – more fully – the person He intended me to be all along.