Raspberry Iced M

Until very recently, I thought motivation came first.

I’d clean when I felt motivated. Exercise when I felt motivated. Write when I felt inspired. I’d have the difficult conversation when I felt brave. I’d pray when I felt like I’d earned some time with God.

Start “tomorrow.”

The problem is that darn word. “Felt.” Tomorrows came and went and I never “felt” like it.

Feelings are only good leaders for about five minutes at a time. Feelings are gifts. They’re information. They deserve to be acknowledged and addressed. But they’re terrible managers. Because if I only do what I “feel” like doing, my life will be built around comfort instead of conviction. And that’s dangerous.

The life I want requires more than motivation. There are plenty of mornings when I don’t feel like getting out of bed. I don’t always feel like putting sunshine on my face or reading my Bible or folding the laundry or paying bills. Or choosing patience. Or writing another blog post.

If I waited until those things sounded exciting…

…I’d still be waiting.

The discipline associated with an amazing life is hard to achieve. I lack discipline in so many aspects of my life. One of the biggest lies I used to tell myself was that disciplined people simply wake up “feeling” motivated.

I no longer think that is true.

I think people who truly check the attribute of “disciplined” have learned to act independently of how they feel. And not because they ignore their emotions, but because they refuse to let temporary emotions determine permanent direction.

And for me, there hasn’t been a trick or hack that has improved my level of discipline.

I am a feeler. A deep feeler. And some days I don’t feel confident or joyful or even close to Jesus. Some days I’m sad and discouraged and distracted and insecure. And on those days, I wallow. I sleep. I let the laundry pile up. A life built on feelings changes direction with the weather.

But here’s the thing. My values? Those stay the same.

I want to be honest whether I feel like it or not. I want to be faithful whether I feel like it or not. I want to be a loving wife and mother, a prayer warrior, a kind friend.

Those decisions are not emotional. They’re intentional.

I have missed out almost every time I have waited for the perfect mood.

How many books never get written because the author wasn’t inspired? How many apologies are never spoken out loud because someone wasn’t ready? How many prayers go unanswered because the request was never…requested? How many dreams stay dreams because motivation never showed up?

I’m guilty of all of that.

But in my life, I’ve noticed that motion – often times – is what creates motivation. I almost never “feel” like getting out of bed on the first alarm. But when I wake up and start my day early – before the snooze button even becomes an option – I don’t regret it. I don’t always “feel” like working from the monotonous task list that consumes my day. But once I begin, the jobs get done. I don’t always “feel” like reading the Bible. But I have never closed it wishing I hadn’t opened it.

Sometimes the feeling doesn’t come first. The action does.

Speaking of Bible, Jesus didn’t wait until He felt like it. The Word doesn’t portray a man who made decisions based on comfort. And if He had, there’d have been no crucifixion or resurrection or the thing we rely on today – grace. His life was not governed by what was easiest. It was governed by obedience.

That challenges me.

So instead of asking myself if I “feel” like doing something, I am trying to ask if the thing I need to do is consistent with the person I’m trying to become. I am not great at it yet, but I recognize it, nonetheless.

There will always be days when I don’t feel like it. Days when motivation sleeps in. Days when fear is loud and discipline feels too heavy.

But I am learning that the life I want isn’t built solely on days when inspiration is in the driver’s seat. It’s built on days I quietly choose to show up anyway. Because someday, I want to look back and realize that I didn’t let my feelings write my story…that I allowed my values to write it instead. The woman I’m becoming isn’t built by what my feelings tell me I can handle. She’s built by what I choose to do, especially on days when I don’t feel like it.